SCANZILLA'S EVIL ROBOT ARMY

Hi, I'm Dan. Commander and all around tool for my Evil Robot Army. All must obey.
align="center"> Crystal.....(Crystal Meth.)............. There was a time I would have sworn I'd be destined to roam this earth alone. Quietly killing and maiming all those who opposed me, all the while having this lonely feeling come over me that there must be more to ruling and killing than this. The solution I thought would be to find myself a wife. Well after much trial and error, I almost gave up on ever finding someone to make my match. Then I met Crystal. Her love of Diablo 2, overwhelming love of evil, and amazing beauty left me in a daze. To secure her place in my army she even made me a Pacman scarf so I'd stay warm on the killing fields. It was instant love. Welcome Crystal, Queen of The Evil Robot Army.
beep brrip brzz My name is R2D2, I've left those bastards Han and Luke to join up with the Evil Robot Army. If you were smart you would too. beep brrip bzzz
Christian(Satchmo3)............Christian is the singer/guitarist for Presley. When not pushing grade school kids around for their lunch money, you'll find him down at Starbucks naked drinking 23 coffee's. He has the biggest cd collection I've ever seen, and that would be great except they are all the same album. The Best Of Culture Club. Hmmm strange.
Shawn(Mushroomhead)........A.K.A. The Scientist, El Scientisto, Photon Boy. Every evil ruler needs a side kick, and Shawn is it. When I'm not trying to figure out ways to have him attacked by a pack of rabid wild boars, we're usually driving around in his car talking about girls, and listening to stoner rock. Kick him in the balls, he likes it.
Angela(Angelskill)...........This crazy girl likes Death Threat, so right away I knew she wasn't playing with a full deck. Angela is always at my apartment trying to step to my Tony Hawk 2 skills, and with her saying words like "poopie" and "banana boy" all the time, I was forced to let her join my Evil Robot Army, just to get her to shut up.
Shane(Electrix)..............When not wearing black nail polish and listening to industrial techno space music, you can find Shane playing Colorforms shows in town. Or just hanging out in dark alleys. His hair is flaming red too like the fires of hell. He's an asspirate. Shane says: Arrgh me matey, I shall plunder your booty!!!
Sarah(Mindfluff)...........When The Evil Robot Army invaded London last year, Sarah volunteered to join, if we in turn spare her family of imminent destruction. She's now tech support for all my HTML projects and created the page your now looking at. She insists that she does not cross country ski in the back seat of cars, and I shall take her word on it. (real pic coming soon)
Maryann(Maryannimal.).........Much to my surprise, this demon spawn has made a ruthless and completely evil addition to my Army. Of course if I had my way I'd have her incinerated, but being my sister gives her immunity(for now anyways). When not working, Maryann spends her days biting the heads off of chickens, and pushing old people down escalators at the mall. I hear my friends tell me how hot she is all the time, little do they know that she's only hot because she is in fact the devil.
Breaux (Breaux).........Breaux is a new member to my Evil Robot Army. When not playing drums or listening to Danzig, Breaux takes pleasure in inserting his special brand of evil into the innocent minds of others. He likes bats, flames and eroticism, oh and lets not forget Tony Iommi. Soon the world shall be mine!
Amanda(Shlippy).........Well Cosmic Amanda has finally decided that her goody two-shoes life is pointless with my ever growing army of metallic doom. So she has joined me, to avoid destruction! Of course she also now has to surrender her body to me if you know what I mean...wink wink nudge nudge.
Madde (Madde)......... I'm glad to see Madde join, for she has instant access to all the oil supplies in Texas. Madde is a valuable part of my army, though she looks like your mere human girl, she is actually a powerful android ready to destroy mankind with her metallic kung fu grip! And her creators made her look extra hot, a secret power that hypnotizes all on lookers to do her bidding! Bwahahaha!!! Why even when I gaze into her beautiful eyes I I I ohhh *must obey Madde, she is my master*...Gah! Her evil powers even work on me!
Emperor Adam (Emperor Adam)......... Our armies met on the battle field, his mere flesh warriors were tough, but small in numbers. Since his plot to take over the world reminded me of somebody I know (that being me) I figured an alliance would prove most valuable. I'll let his army grow, and help him with some of my own forces. Yes I'll sit back and watch him take over the lands, oh what glorious victories are ahead! But in the end their can only be one ruler...and we shall meet on the battle field once again. For now however, cheers for Emperor Adam!!
Frost Goat Lord (Frostgoat).........My ever growing army is now backed up by the spirit world. Errr rather the EVIL FROST GOAT DEMON WORLD!!! All shall bow, or feel the wrath of the goats lava beams!"
border = 0> Shann(Gothique).........Shann reviewed my site and gave it a measley 85 score, so I sent my death droids to go eliminate her. Data recieved from my assassins informed me that she is strongly linked with the "Force". Knowing that her alliance predicts the safety of her beloved Mel Gibson, she has decided to join to spare his life. Some members of my Evil Robot Army are unwilling participants, who will do anything to save their loved ones. Rumor has it, that she makes great Rice Crispy treats. Also a master of disguise, you'll see her above dressed as Flo, the sass talking waitress of Mel's Diner!
KriKit(Amongstars).........While marching my robotic doom squad down in North Carolina, I was surprised to be attacked by this young lady. My droids were too much for her, no matter how much Karate she displayed. Seeing her potential for ass kicking, I stopped my Robot Army from destroying her. Giving her the option of life or death, KriKit decided for life, and now serves in recruiting other such young warriors into my army of doom.
Dakulest(Dakulest).........Allies come from the most unexpected of places. Dakulest was recruited into my army one day when I found him drunken pissing on the handle of my car. So impressed was I by his fluid control and distance, I had to let him join. Beware his surprise ninja piss mist attack.
Star-Nicole(Star-Nicole).........While checking out a show in Boston, I accidently spilled my drink on this classy vixen. Before I could apologize she already had me hanging from my feet off of the club balcony. I was resorted to begging for mercy! Of course at any moment I could have easily had her exterminated by my death droids who were standing close by. But I was impressed by her amazing strength and cat like stealth. After dropping me of the balcony, I fell on a rather obese man who broke my fall. And quickly ordered my droids to destroy her. Realizing the doom that surrounded her, she promised allegience to me and my Army.
align="center"> The Incredible Heckafresh(Heckafresh).......... It was the summer of 2000. I was in California looking for some recruits to join my Evil Robot Army. While stopping at a movie house playing an all night marathon of Doctor Detroit, I ran into this worthy ally. Just as James Brown started singing the first verse of the theme song, Heckafresh came crashing through the movie screen. Before I had a chance to call back up death droids, he was upon me. He threw me around like an old Alf stuffed animal, repeatedly knocking the stuffing out of me. "Such super human strength" I thought to myself, as his fist crashed into my face. I must convince him to join my army before he destroys your evil humble leader. Just as he was about to deliver his flaming death punch, I pulled out a pack of 1983 Donkey Kong cards. He was instantly charmed by the sight! Hypnotized by the barrel throwing gorilla on the cover of the packs. We made a deal, as long as I can supply him with these cards, and their tasteless stale gum, he shall be a willing ally to my Army.
align="center"> Sezzy (Wicked-Sezzy).......... "Damn summer heat" I thought to myself as I ran for shade. Hmmm, I'll go into this t-shirt shop for relief from the sun. As I was glancing through various shirts with stupid logos on them, Sezzy came jumping out of an aisle. Armed with a Lobster t-shirt weapon, she started strangling me. As her Kung Fu grip got tighter, I quickly came up with a plan! Just as the last bit of life was squeezing out of me, I grabbed a bottle of Southern Comfort I had in my shorts. I planned on smacking her in the head with it, but instead she grabbed it from my hands and downed the whole bottle within two seconds! I was so amazed by her invincibility towards 80 proof poison, that I made her an honorary addition to my army of bad doers.
Mr. Uglybutt (Uglybutt).......... After Sezzy joined my army, she introduced to this enchanting girl. Mastering the style of drunken Kung Fu, she showed me how to balance a martini glass, do a little dance, and beat the shit out of the hordes of men that hit on her. To show her my appreciation, I spared her life from certain metallic doom, and let her join my army. Now only if she would show me her kung fu techniques in bed!
align="center"> The Tomato Killers.....(Ripey)(Cholera)............These models have been terrorizing Canada for a good 10 years now. Whether throwing tomatoes at old people, or sucking their cheeks in at fancy art shows, they are absolutely EVIL! Together they touch rings and turn into a giant tomato that rolls over and kills anyone in their path. How could I not have them in my Army?
align="center"> Amy..........(Amy-Blushing)..........I received the following letter the other day in the mail, and it read as follows: "Bonjour Scanzilla. I am the internationally famed Agent 009. Amy. Amy Blushing. When I'm not spying on top secret files from goverment officials, I model the latest mod fashions to all the fashionably inept. I was going to assassinate you, but your evil charm and power has captivated me. I wish to join your Army." And with that my newest stealthy spy shall be a great commodity. Welcome my dearest Amy.
Kristen(Not-it)...................So I was at a sick Iron Maiden show, when Kirsten came sneaking up behind me. Just as I was about to throw my heavy metal fingers up in the air, she grabbed my arm and flipped me onto my back. The pain that shot up my spine was nothing compared to the pain of her stomping on my face. I begged for mercy and asked her what prompted such a merciless attack. Her reply was simple, "make out with me or die!" Hey, who am I to resist the forces of such evil? I gladly served myself up, along with a position in my army. Her Kung Fu is even better than my Kung Fu. It was love at first kick.
SUPER CRAZY NINJA BOY (Mr-Sparkles)...................You shall enter his dojo of pain, and he will bestow upon you the power of ass kicking. He's wise in the art of ghetto blasting. A rare form of Martial Arts consisting of making high pitched screams, blasting Wu-Tang on a boom box, and shooting lava karate chops out of his eyes. A much needed asset to my Army, he trains young bots to destroy, detroy, AND THEN DESTROY SOME MORE.
Killbot 69(Vyv-XX)...................Vyv-XX came to my secret evil hideout one day dressed in a Brownie uniform, selling girl scout cookies. What struck me as odd was that Brownies and Girl Scouts were usually arch enemies. Before I had time to question her dubious motives, she rammed a drug laced cookie down my throat. When I awoke, I was tied to my bed and she was standing over me, wearing a pair of panties with an image of my face plastered on them. Her amusing obsessiveness reminded me of me, so I instantly enrolled her into my Army. She's the master of disguises, and a valuable spy.
Shorty(Shor-t)...................It was an experiment gone wrong. I captured Shorty in the Yukon, I was out there to do a series of tests in which mountain goats wrestle Canadians, to measure human endurance. Well I had meant to give Shorty a shot because it was flu season, but I mistakingly shot him full of radioactive spider venom.(which I keep on hand at all of my secret hide outs.) He transformed into a web slinging, wall climbing super human. He even developed the ability to shoot poisonous venom out of his eyes at unlucky victims. Spider Man, eat your heart out.
Kevin(Bra2002)...................Kevin is a long time supporter of democratic rights for the working man. I had planned to have him killed, just for shits and giggles. When my assassin robot Killbot 98-TR came back with reports of a failed mission, I was most shocked with the data returned. Apparently Killbot 98-TR shot Kevin in the groin and face area several hundred times. Yet nothing could stop him and his politically charged mayhem! It was as if his skin was made of Titanium. Later I learned that his skin was in fact made of a strong steel recycled off of a sunken oil ship. Always a good doer! We kidnapped him one night, gave him a lobotomy, and he now serves the forces of evil! Killing and maiming the humans he once tried so hard to protect. BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
Mary(Bathtubmary)....................In the dark alley ways of Boston, be careful of what lurks in the shadows. Do not answer the phone when home alone, and never ever go into the basement. Because if you do, Mary might be there waiting for you. A renegade soldier, she joined my army a few months back. Not being one for rules and regulations, Mary often carries out her own missions of destruction to appease the blood lust that dwells deep within her. Plus she likes bong hits and watching robot porn! Sick!
Pethy(Peth)....................There I was training on a highly involved combat simulator (Space Invaders), when a huge cloud of smoke filled up my room. As it cleared, I saw a time machine, and out stepped Peth. She told me of a future that's sure to be. Which involves meeting her at a bar in New Jersey, getting really drunk, and destroying a local mall with laser beams. Not only is she gifted with the power of time travel, but she's also evil to the core!!! She sleeps with strapping young men like myself, then bites their heads off after sex, much like a spider. If only I meant the heads on their shoulders, but unfortunitly I'm talking below the belt. (OUCH!)
Bitchy(btchelicious)...................."Ahhh what a nice sunny day" I thought to myself as I stepped outside. Right then a girl jumped out of the bushes, and kicked me in the face. As I lied on the ground, she started dragging me across the street by my hair until she came across a pile of dog poo. I told her that if she did what I thought she was going to do, I would surely have her incinerated within moments. My threats did not impress her, and she grabbed the back of my head and held it over the stinky dog crap. Bitchy: "My skillz are more than you could handle, huh jackass? Make me a part of your Army and I'll spare you the humility of smashing your face in that steaming dog loaf." I had no choice but to concede to her demands. What a bitch!
Sooner(Sooner)...............I was at this sick Heavy Metal Benefit for Mormon porn stars, and that's when I first saw Sooner. He got on stage playing the sickest heavy metal guitar solo I've ever heard in the history of sickest heavy metal guitar solos ever heard! As he stood there singing about the march of the mormon death ferrets, a bolt of electricity shot out of the neck of his guitar and killed everyone in the first row! After his set, I asked for his autograph, which he wrote in blood. I then called him a sucker, and told him he just signed a contract, legally binding him to forever serve my Evil Robot Army! BWAHAHAHA!! SICK!
Ms.M(Ms-M)...............While on tour in Canada looking for new recruits, I spotted Ms.M in a school girl uniform, clentching tighly two nunchuks. She was making quick work of the hordes of men trying to get a sample of her sweet sweet ass. So impressed was I by her ruthlessness with dispatching the horny bachelors, I asked her to join my army. Mistaking me for one of her male worshippers, she smashed a nunchuk into my nose. After explaining to her my real intentions, we both had a good laugh. She helped clean the blood oozing from my nose, then we both went shopping and bought 10 gallon hats, Molsen Ice, and cherry red stiletto heels. Hey, when in Canada, do as Canadians.
Sarah(Cuillin)...............A vacation in Lousiana is just what I needed after a secret base of mine got invaded by the feds. I had planned on checking out the Mardi Gras festivities, so I could have confirmation of my reasons for destroying society. That's when I saw Cuillin. She was sitting on a bench, playing Bob Dylan tunes with her guitar. I threw beads at her, hoping for a nice set thrown back at me. Not only did she take off her shirt, she also took off ten layers of my skin and self esteem, by kicking my ass if front of a crowd of thousands. Another perfect addition to my army.
Suki(Sukilicious)...............I was trying to contact Suki for a while. I had heard she once tried to assassinate Roseanne Barr, so I was automatically a fan. This girl of mystery would not be seen in public, and even with my best spies on the hunt, she was no where to be found. Then one day she found me. Because of the top secret nature of her missions, I must not reveal anything about the meeting. Let it be known, if you do come across her, you are most likely a target for the Evil Robot Army!!! BWAHAHAHA!!!!
Michaela(Justcircles)...............When you walk into a bar in New York you expect the normal group of slack jawed gaukers chugging down beers and oggling the ladies. However if you're lucky you might run into this lass. Sure she looks innocent enough and has the prettiest eyes on earth, but she's also full of Southern hospitality. That is if Southern hospitality consisted of spitting for distance, starting bar fights, and beating the shit out of her enemies. Yet despite all her violent tendencies, she oozes with southern charm quite litterally. In the form of acid which melts away others flesh. A perfect ally of the army.
Asit(Asitwere)................"The key to tapping ass is wearing the right cologne" replied Asit to an attentive bar full of young men. "You ain't eva gonna get dried out wearing Old Spice or Polo, that shits for 3rd grade playas!" He had a way with words which I found endearing, so I asked him to be a key public speaker for rallying others to the Evil Robot Army. He replied "Awww Geeea sho nuff muthafucka! I'll teach these playa haters somethin' propa!" Just then one of the bar patrons chose unwisely to mock Asit on his tips for picking up fly honeys. Asit went into a rage and kicked the shit out of every single guy wearing a visor in the place. A fighter and a politician, another perfect ally to the army.
Cindy(Cindie-Loo)................When I first met Ms. Cindy, I was at a porn shop trying to sell naked pictures of Whoopee Goldburg to the clerk. That's when Cindy walked in asking to use a pay phone because her car broke down. Being the gentleman I am, the first words I said to her were "Hey nice rack, baby wants num nums." Then I made a hand and face gesture as if I were an infant suckling on her perky nipples. She responded by lubing her fist with cherry flavored body jelly and ramming it up my ass. The pain was unlike anything I ever experienced. Fearing the pictures she took of her fist up my ass might end up on the internet, I had no choice but to welcome her to the Army.
Regz(Regz the Mutilator.)................I was delivering the Queen's stolen ruby fabrigue egg to my contact in London. However the English Parliament must have been wise to my plan, and I was intercepted by secret agent 0069. Just when I thought I was doomed, my contact, an English bloke knicknamed "The Mutilator" showed up and cut 0069 into little shreds. I was so impressed with how quickly he disembowled the agent that I insisted he join my Army. To cellebrate our alliance, we bombed Iraq again just for shits and giggles.
Trancejen(Jen)................Profile coming soon
Blackeyed-(Blackeyed-)................Profile coming soon
Porktornado(Dusty)................Profile coming soon
Kitty-Kaboom(Jane)................Profile coming soon
Ramanda(Amanda)................Profile coming soon